introducing myself

[twhlady]

Hi everyone.... I have enjoyed reading many postings on this forum - first I will compliment members on their evident camaraderie and supportive, caring responses. It is refreshing to see the common love of horses and distinct lack one up manship evident on many boards.

I am an older rider from Ontario Canada - started riding at 40 and haven't looked back since.

Currently have a TWH/SSH that is perplexing to say the least - she was sold to me under false pretenses but that is a another story.

Can anyone identify with this? She is 8 - I have owned her for 18 months and tried and tried and tried to overcome her fear of humans - distrust is huge for her but more than anything her complete aloofness, lack of interest in forming a partnership - she would rather be alone (unless you have a treat after which she gladly gallops away). She stays at my friends place and she treats her as her own. We worked daily with her for 6 months, she came along wonderfully and can do all the natural horsemanship games with ease - just no emotion, no like/dislike.....

She is hot, forward and emotional...... I know she has been abused in the past which I have overcome - I now find myself giving up on her... I have decided we will never click - if I am paying board for a horse it doesn't make sense to write the cheque every month so she can live in the field with her herd.

Has anyone owned a horse like this? Is there a person this horse will 'click' with?

any thoughts/experiences greatly appreciated.

[appyrider46]

Best wishes on your horse - and welcome as well from Michigan

[Terry]

First of all, hi and welcome from Illinois.

I had a somewhat similar experience with the first horse my husband and I bought together (after I had been without a horse for approximately 20 years while I raised my family). I was so excited to finally have a horse in my life again, so my excitement overrode my brain (for that I take responsibility for my part in the mess that followed). Unfortunately the person who sold this horse to me lied to me and took complete advantage of me (shame on him for his part in this mess). The horse was not aloof or without emotion, in fact he had very strong emotions - mostly HATE! I had never experienced anything like it in my life. That horse hated me with a passion. I tried everything I could think of to change things with him, I took lessons on him, I sent him to not one but 2 trainers, I bought and read books, bought and watched videos, tried the stuff I learned on him, the list just goes on and on. He was so bad that he would attempt to bite me and/or kick me if I got anywhere near him, and he bucked me off when I rode him. He completely destroyed my confidence. Unfortunately I didn't like the idea that I had somehow failed, so for approximately a year and a half I tried to make things work out with this horse, but finally came to the realization that having a horse in your life is supposed to be fun, and I was most definitely not having any fun. I made the decision to sell him, which was difficult seeing as how I couldn't even ride him (I was too terrified of him). I finally sold him (at a huge loss) to someone that knew me and this horse from the boarding barn where I had kept him and taken lessons on him. He managed to get along fine with the horse, and I found another horse that I fell in love with, and who I'm sure felt the same way about me. We bonded so close, and she and I just had a wonderful partnership.

I guess the moral of my long story is, if you aren't having fun with this horse, maybe it's time to stop spending money on this horse, sell it and find a different horse that will bond with you.

Best of luck!!

[horselady]

Hello and welcome from New York.

[kanoo32]

Hey there andwelcome from sunny and hot South Florida!!

[Lorna]

Hi and Welcome from South Louisiana!!! I am not an expert, however I do know that sometimes you have to make a decision and get rid of a problem horse. Maybe some of the people here will have some advice for you!!

[twhlady]

the weird thing is she's not a 'problem'horse... doesn't kick, buck, rear, bite - very obedient just 'flat' personality wise - in a few words she is like an anti social loner.... she doesn't care if she has a partner or not.

Last time I rode her in the arena - over an hour - bare back pad, rope halter... everything went well - decided to take her for a walk down the laneway - the minute the door opened she went from 0 to 10 - pulling, spinning around with a one rein stop, running into the barn door..... and needless to say at 54 I don't want to be hurt - even if it is unintentional.

Can a horse actually 'check out'... become mentally and unemotionall guarded with humans? Her history would lead me to believe she has had owner after owner after owner - at 7 had been owned by minimum 8 people.

I will try to sell her but her saleability is low, size (14.3) , big motor, lack of engagement and gaited.... at this point I would 'give' her to someone that could break through to her but even that seems impossible.

I believe this mare would be happy to be released in a wild herd to live out her life..... she is an enigma...

[bayrider]

Hi! Welcome from NY! From just reading what you have posted sounds to me like she may be a little barn sour. do you have any kind of trainer at the barn or that could help you deal with her issues?

[merleliz]

Welcome to HT!

Maybe if she has had owner after owner, she just doesn't get emotionally attached as easily anymore...our mare is just now (after two years) starting to show affection at any time other than feeding time.

Give her time, give her love, hang out with her when you're not "working" with her...if she's been abused in the past, it may take her a long time to "come around", abuse leaves emotional scars as well as physical.

[twhlady]

thank you so much for your responses, wisdom and experiences... it means a lot to me that you are sharing.

Yes, I had a trainer working with her for 4 months daily - started isolating her from the 'herd' so she could learn humans are a source of good things - i.e. food/water. Then moved her back to the herd after 2 months - she instantly reverted to her aloof, standofish ways.

Tried just being with her - spend hours in the paddock, just being... she stays as far away as possible... just started riding her the past month - 13 months doing ground work and no riding...

spent many hours walking up to her in the paddock and just loving on her, putting halter on and off and walking away.... still nothing... she will run away as far and fast as she can.

Perhaps there is hope for her; time may heal but in the meantime I sadly have lost my 'try'...

[95Harley]

Let me say hi hello and welcome.
My mother would have completely agreed with you... she grew up with 2 horses that were farm horses.. she always told me they have no personality they don't care about people except for the fact they feed them and they always always try to avoid them.
they used them for farming and yes they truly did ride them to school in a one room school house in the middle of SD.
I currently have 2 horses (she never did understand me LOL) and they have the best most willing personality.
there are soooo many good willing loving horses that need good homes. if u truly love horses get rid of this one and find one that will feed your need. It is out there and will be more than appreciative of you and your treats.. Good luck and let us know how it goes

[twhlady]

thanks 95 Harley, I have come to that point... my 'try' is over but I really don't know what I will do with her... knowing her past it makes my heart sad to imagine her suffering under the hands of someone and sending her to the auction wouldn't let me sleep.... so the dilemma.... if I had my own place I would just put her in the field and take care of her basic needs - however I don't and paying board every month for a field ornament is nuts.
At my age I know I only have a few more good years to ride and this little mare has become an anchor around my neck instead of the wind beneath my wings...

When you lose the dream you know it's time to do something to change it

[livinthedream]

Hello and welcome....
Not all horses and owners click, if you will....Im 44 and have seen the dirt alot, I always say, no I can ride her .....we will be fine well sometimes you just have to , call it a draw, and say goodbye.... I wish you luck...get something you can ride and enjoy

[Horsie Michelle]

Just wanted to say welcome from Florida.

[Rebecca]

Hello.

I am another older person (50s) who learned how to ride in her forties.
I have had horses that were gentle and calm, and I had some that could care less if they ever saw a human again.
Some had specialized training but were bad tempered idiots, some were untrained but willing to learn.
I prefer an agreeable horse. They are less frustrating and a lot less likely to hurt their rider.
If you don’t want to put a lot of time, effort and patience retraining a horse, buy a push-button animal.
After struggling for several years with my own incompetence, and with animals that were not cooperating, I purchased a thirteen-year-old gelding that actually did exactly what I wanted him to do, when I wanted him to do it, just as fast or as slow as I wanted to go. It was absolute heaven.

[roberts617]

Hi and welcome from Oklahoma!

[Oran'sMom]

Welcome from Southern California~

[Chrystalstar]

Hi and welcome from Alberta. Sometimes it just doesn't work out. I just sold a lovely mare that I just didn't click with. She was a brood mare, although I had started her. Hard to catch, would rather be with the herd etc.... I sold her this summer due to me cutting back (even though she was a daughter of Tennessee Gold Dust and such a pretty colour). Well, a strange thing happened. She really likes her new owner, follows her around the pasture, like to hang out and just be.
I kind of figure there's a person for every horse, and a horse for every person, just got to figure it all out. However, I will say, a safe ride does count for alot. You can have have a horse that is all cuddly and lovey-dovey on the ground and a kook under saddle..

[tuffsmom]

Welcome from Nebraska!

[Red Gate Farm]

Hello from Alberta, Canada