Missing my girl

[sonniegirl]

I just have to tell people who would understand what I am feeling. I sure hope someone does or I may be convinced I am going off the deep end for sure.
I lost my morab Sonnie, Dec 10,07 to colic. I had to make the horrible decision to have her put down or surgery. I didn't have the thousands of dollars and the vet said she wasn't to sure it would even help so obviously I had her put down. I missed her so much and my barn was so empty without her and I bought a palomino gelding. He is a great trail horse and all I just can't seem to get close to him in heart. I don't know if that makes any sence to anyone but is the way I feel. I enjoy riding him but he just doesn't have the personality near what she did. Sometimes I think about selling him and looking more but gosh he is such a safe horse and gentle to. My husband tells me just give it some time and see what happens. I just can't get through many days where I dont' just cry. Sometimes when driving in the car alone I just scream. Can anyone relate.
sonniegirl

[Sassy]

I so hear you! Now mind you it was over my child hood dog Candy but when we had her put down I had a terriable scence of loss. My heart felt so empty. And I cried often for her. It hurt so much her loss and her not being by my side. I became depressed though at teh time I did not realize it. I was withdrawn and moppy. A good friend meaning well got me a sweet cocker pup. He was super cute friendly etc. But he was not Candy and I could not get close to him. Hardly spent anytime with him ended up giving him to my sister. I started getting sick a lot colds flu unexplained soar stomach. So my mom took me to the doctor nothing was wrong that he could see. Went back many times. Finally doctor figured I was depressed. Long storey short I started attending a group for grief conseling for pet loss at the local aspca. It really helped me deal with Candy's death and helped me over come my deep sadness. I was able to move on and still keep her close to me. Maybe you ought to seek some help for your grief. It can eat a person up. Good luck... (((((((((((((HUGE HUGS)))))))))))))

[kytrailrider]

I hear you, I had the same thing happen to my mare. She was in foal, i was 9 months pregnant, my husband walked her until she wouldn't go anymore. I came home from work the next morning and found her dead. It was my birthday and she slipped a gorgeous paint filly. I was devastated it took me 2 years to find her replacement (about 4 horses later). You either have that bond or you don't. I now have a new racking mare and we have that bond she is my girl and i wouldn't sell her for the world!!!!

[Bonanza]

I know its hard - I lost my boy Bo around the same time you lost yours. He was the first horse I started myself and he was really special. My husband bought me my current horse on Valentine's Day. We have come a long way in a short time and she is now what I would call my "dreamhorse." But if you have read some of the threads on here - we had a really rocky start.

One thing I would advise (having been in the same situation) is don't compare your new boy to your lost mare. It is impossible for him (or any other horse) to measure up. Instead, try to see him for the unique horse that he is. He may not have the same "outgoing" personality your girl had, but if you can push the pain of her loss away enough to view him with new eyes, I bet you'll find he is pretty special in his own way too. Those "quirks" that make our horses so individually special to us don't come out immediately - but over time you learn more about each other. He sounds wonderful. If you'll let him I bet he will help you love another horse again. And remember your girl would want you to have another equine friend.

I think its great you have a gelding this time - it will help you see him for who he is a little easier. I know when I look at Rosie she is so different from Bo - and each are special in their own way. Rosie will never be Bo - but I don't want her to be. She's not meant to replace him, but to take her own space in my heart. I hope this helps - I'll be praying for you...

[southernkissed]

Well, I lost Kid Rock my 20 y/o TWH a year and seven months ago, I went thru a terrible depression for over a year and was on a mission to replace him. I bought 3 black TWH and none of them worked out. I spent alot of $$$$ in the process and cried a million tears, I'm crying now as I type this. I bought Lakoda a black TWH mare who is very safe and I love her dearly , have become very overprotective of her, shes not Kid but she has found a special place in my heart. I just bought a strawberry roan walker that probably would have died soon, he was very sick and really thin. I haven't had him a week and he is already doing better. He has also found a special place in my heart as has Keesha my other mare. I don't have the depression now but the wound in my heart remains very raw. Kid is buried on our ranch and I still can bring myself to go to his grave. I've decided for Christmas this year all I want is a large wooden cross for his grave with a solar light on it and then I plan to visit it with Lakoda. Yes I feel your pain but all I can offer is enjoy your new safe horse and many happy trails.

[cameo05]

I miss Zack. I lost him this thurs will be 3 weeks ago. I still walk out in the yard and expect to see that big black boy standing there waiting on me to come pet him and give him a treat.

10 years ago, I lost my Suzie girl to a broken leg. I lost all interest in horses for almost 5 years. I had Prize and a buddy, but I wasn't interested in riding or even looking. Then I bought a mama horse and a baby, then a few more and finally sold them. I got Belle, almost 3 years ago and she is my riding soulmate. I have a couple spares in the pasture, but it took me that long to find a so call replacement, which she is not. It took me almost a year to completely give in to my heart for Belle even though it had been so long.

[version1955]

Sonniegirl, I hope you can feel the warmth of the fellowship these folks are reaching out to you? We're here and even though we can't fix it, we're here

[shadow]

I know where you are coming from. I lost my walking horse 3 years ago and I bought another filly last fall. I kept her for almost 8 months and I just couldn't get a bond with her. I sold her 3 weeks ago and I didn't feel bad about it, because I found a great home for her. I hope some day I find another one like I lost, but It just is so hard to find what I had. The same thing happened to my little chihuahua. It took me 2 years, but I found another one and she is BETTER. I couldn't believe it....

[dproaps]

Oh dear, I do know exactly how you feel. We lost our Arabian mare Charm early this year. It hurt everyone in our family terribly, but I think I have suffered the most. We have other horses, but I had that special love and bond for Charm.

I still sit down sometimes and just cry about it. Although I can type about it here, I still can't talk about it. Just can't. I am bipolar anyway and it sent me into a deep tailspin that I am just now coming out of, still can't talk about it in therapy so I write about it instead. It helps me to "write it all out".

Although I love our other horses, I have lost interest a lot too. BUT I just recently got a black Arabian gelding and have been spending a lot of time with him. He's really starting to take hold of my heart, and for the first time since Charm's death I'm starting to take a real interest in spending time with a horse and riding. And starting to lose the numbness I had with the other horses too.

Give it as much time as you need. Finding another horse might be the ticket, but might be something you will regret later. There is no hurry. Give yourself as much time as you need to grieve, and you may fall in love with your boy later. I would suggest some counseling too, sometimes you need to get help to deal with a grief so terrible.

Best to you, and PM me for my telephone number if you need a shoulder to cry on. I do understand. Only those who love so deeply can grieve so strongly.

[Sassy]

Posted by dproaps:
Only those who love so deeply can grieve so strongly.

Ain't that the truth! Very well said!

[mlh619]

I lost my arab gelding after an eight month battle where we didn't know what we were fighting. I had started another horse (nigel) to use for 4-H in case Babs couldn't do it. He died at the end of june right before our big 4-H show in july. Poor Nigel had the bare minimum of riding before the show and after I don't think I hardly looked at him for like 4 months. I kept comparing and just got mad that he wasn't the horse I lost. I was going to sell him but an injury forced me to keep him and man am I glad he didn't go! He is one awesome horse! I bought an arab mare in december to keep him company and she seems to be filling the hole in my heart the best she can! She will never replace Babs but she sure helped the healing process!

[Baycrash]

I am very sorry for your loss...and you are not going off the deep end sweetie...you are mourning and missing your friend. It will take time and how much time...no one knows. It's even OK if you never get over it...you just have to learn not to drown in the sorrow and move on to a place where you can reflect on your memories but live happily in the present.
I think it's good advice to really try and see your gelding for who he is and try not to make a comparison to your sweet mare. When I gifted my sweet Arab gelding to a friend where he would blossom and got a new APHA gelding it took well over a year to bond with him...
As far as losing a dear friend and mourning...I lost my sweet Lewis a terrier mix in February to a brutal attack. One moment he was my MAN and always there for me and the next he was gone. It's been so hard because I expected to go through much more life with him than the time we got. I still mourn, tearing up out of the blue, saying his name outloud because I still want to hear it...but I have adopted a sweet little rough coated JR terrier that I call Casper and he is a pistol! He isn't Lewis and could never be...and I wouldn't want him to be just like Lewis.
Be thankful for the time you had with your beautiful mare but don't let her passing keep you in the past. There is great gelding outside right now that needs you today...right?
God Bless you dear!!

[Peter-John's Love]

Prayers and (((hugs))) are here for you.

Deep grief is the testimony of deep love.

I could tell you a hundred stories so much like what you are dealing with, explain the process of grief...but in the end you just have to grieve.

Continue to lean on your husband as he spoke wise words to you.

Continue to reach out to your friends and family (and HTers too).

Let your new boy give you horsey comfort...sometimes God allows another to be there until we are ready to open up again to love. In churches where a pastor that deeply deeply well loved leaves, often an "interim" pastor goes in. They just preach and stay there until the congregation is READY to accept another. At that time they either leave and a new pastor comes in to function fully...or the interim pastor stays and becomes the leader there....God has sent your boy to be an "interim horsey"....when you are ready to LOVE another, he will be there to love you or God will have the perfect place for him to go to. But let your boy just be a comfort as you are able to take it in.

Scream, cry, write, share and give yourself time to grieve fully.

Do not blame yourself...the decision you made was a horrible one to have to make indeed. Sonnie was sooo beloved. Colic is a horrible thing and for you to allow Sonnie to rest peacefully showed your great love for her indeed...

Sonnie now floats across the heavens with a strong presence and with a restored stamina that depicks her breeding. She runs strong and tough. Her eyes dance with mischief and love. She bows her head in thanks to you for allowing her to be free even knowing she would take a piece of your very heart with her. Her tail flys behind her like a flag. Yet she paces the heavens anxiously because she feels your sorrow even from her heavenly place. She whispers to your gelding telling him of fun antics to do that will make you laugh.....and so when you enter the barn, know she is trying to send her love and thanks to you.....and so do not be surprised to see your gelding do something that makes you laugh....and know it was her sending her love back to you.

Your tears show your love for her. I never met her, but I believe she would do all she could to lift your spirits...She will truely be at peace when you let go of the blame. She was ready to dance in heaven. I think she helped God pick this horse to be with you especially because she knew that she was such a "beyond special" kind of horse that she had to help you find one that as you said "he just doesn't have the personality near what she did" and Sonnie is pleased about that.

So grieve, reach out to share your sorrow with others, enjoy your gelding, and accept the thanks that Sonnie has been sending to you.

R.I.P. Sonnie

[paso_lover]

I try to not think about it. Like the others I went threw that period of mourning and had to be talked out of selling the herd but after a couple weeks something clicked and it was done. I try to not dwell in the past anymore and took that as a sign to move forward with another horse that needed me more....Tia.

I mourned her on the anniversary of her death a month ago and every once in a while watch the video of her, shed a tear and then got see Tia. I think the difference between me and the rest here was that we really didn't have that "bond" you all talk about and maybe that's why I am not as hurt as most here. Now if something would happen to Tia.......stick me in the looney bin.

[ahlihaff]

I feel that way about our black Lab, Cassie. She died four years ago, and I still cry sometimes from missing her. I have another black Lab, Skye and a German Shepherd, Rhett. I love them both, but do not have the bond I had with Cassie. She was that one special dog.

[Kemstar]

Sonnie, you certainly aren't along with this.

I'm so glad you posted this thread here. Only other horse people are able to understand the unique sense of loss we feel when it comes to loosing our equine friends.

When I lost my first horse, Rosie, I thought I die right along with her. Unbelievably, a dear friend gave me one of his horses because he had too many and knew I'd give Percy a great home. As it turned out, Percy was the truest type of band aid my ailing heart needed. He loved my girls, my husband, and me and carried many of our friends. He was a tough and loving bugger who was loved by everyone.

Now, I have Jack and my herd of 4 donkeys. We laid Percy to rest almost 3 years ago when he broke his leg. I love Jack with all my heart, but still cry for my friends who have gone before.

I know that Rosie and Percy are running freely, pain free, in the most amazingly green fields imaginable, and that one day, we will all be reunited.

Take a good look at that palomino of yours. He will never replace the love you lost; instead, she will fill your life in ways you cannot imagine and will create new joys to help fill your life. Please give her a chance to do so.

I promise you, your tears will lessen. Let your new pal help you with this.

Peace and blessings from Virginia.

[version1955]

Wanted to check in and see how you're doing, Sonnie? (((hugs)))

[Beamersmom]

I am so sorry! It's so true that those of us that love these animals suffer when we lose our friends. I have only had my horse now for a couple of months, but I am so attached to him already that I can't bear the thought of losing him.

I also have a dog that I know the end is coming soon for. She is a rescue that I got as a puppy nearly 14 years ago. She's now deaf and has some skin issues, her immune system is pretty well shot according to the vet, but she isn't in pain and still has that old familiar wag in her tail. Still, I know the time is coming. I will definitely be a basket case. But, for now, I just keep on loving her for the time we have left together.

I feel for you and will keep you in my prayers. As hard as it is, just try to trust that things will get better, and some day the memories of your lost girl will start to bring more smiles than tears. Your new guy will never be a replacement, but brings new opportunities to warm your heart. Take care.