Question --dilema need advice

dodib · 09-06-2008, 09:29 PM

We have owned my duaghters mare Sweetie for about 3 years now. We love her and even though she has had some lameness issues for about 1/2 that time we have no thoughts of ever selling her. We knew when we bought her she was a very well trained horse was shown in the Pinto horse circuit and did awesome. Her old owner owned her from her yearling year til she was 9 when we bought her--she paid $8000 for her and I was told spent $1000's in training...........
\Anyhoo when I bought her she was at a boarding facility--the man said he knew the woman and she had been unable to care for her anymore so she was there to get back into condition and then to be sold. He said Sweetie had not been cared for for about a year and was a couple hundred pounds under weight and had nto had her feet done in a year--and that they were so bad she was walking on the sides of her hooves in the back.
She of course knew she was sold she signed the papers etc....
Well she must have been doing some searchign for her and has found us--she found my website....
SO she has e-mailed me a ton-- pics and how she did this and how sweetie likes that-- of course she calls her Mia-- that was the name she used for her. although we were told she had been called Myra......
SHe claims she always cared for her and hated selling but tons of stuff was happenign in her life so she just had to sell.................
Well she wants to come see her--and I jsut dont' know. I was told she didnt' care for her for a year AND for some reason her e-mails really put me off. Liek we dont' know what Sweetie likes or dislikes, or how to care or ride her. It would have been one thing if we had owned her a month and then she was telling us BUT Sweetie is part of our family now and we feel we know her. I guess I feel a little threatened somehow...
On the other hand I can understand after owning a horse for 9 years-- from pretty much a baby then having to sell I would sure want to know how she is.
I never met this woman she didn't come meet us when we picked her up or anything.
Anyway i am just curious to know what you would all do?/ I am almost worried about her knowing where we live and where she is--ya know??

SunnyKS · 09-06-2008, 10:26 PM

I have learned the hard way over the years to never ever ignore that "uh oh" feeling in my gut. If something, even if you can't put a definite finger on it, says don't do it then absolutely don't do it. Sweetie is a horse not a child and the former "mom" is NOT entitled to visitation.

Now if you had said you felt good about her e-mails then I would have said go for it but not if your gut is telling you different. She has enough info now to know that she is being loved and well cared for and that is more than enough. JMO

Jean Genie · 09-06-2008, 11:28 PM

Hmmm... I think I probably would be OK with a visit. I know how I would feel in her shoes. Perhaps, since she's found your website, and read a bit of your troubles with the mare's lameness, she's just worried. Stuff happens, life takes unexpected turns, and if the mare was neglected, she probably feels awful about it and maybe she just needs to see, with her own eyes, that a horse she loved and cared for is doing very well and in a happy, forever home. It's really up to you. If you just don't feel comfortable with it, then decline.

snwflk · 09-06-2008, 11:34 PM

I dont trust it.. It sounds FISHY to me.. I would have to say NO. I would worry about something happening - I just dont like the sounds of it.. Like the other person said. Its a HORSE not a child- there is no visitation rights to her.. I would have to kindly DECLINE the offer- JMHO

libbytn · 09-06-2008, 11:57 PM

I would decline a visit but would send pictures. ALWAYS go with that little inner voice!!!!

Sunlei · 09-07-2008, 12:10 AM

no, your horse remembers the bad and hungry days. You are her people now, keep the bad people away.

**gbarmranch** · 09-07-2008, 08:09 AM

Go with your instincts.. I like the send photos idea.. but just keep telling her you don't have the time for visitors.. She may be on the up-and-up, but I believe that there has to be a reason you are hesitant..

skippersmom · 09-07-2008, 08:16 AM

I have to agree that it sounds a bit odd. I would definitely listen to the small voice inside. It seems to ALWAYS be right. Maybe you could email her pics and divert her attention about coming to visit. Good luck!!

blueberry · 09-07-2008, 08:34 AM

How far away does this lady live from you?? Is she in the area where she could make a surprise visit?? If you do not feel good about it, I would not invite her to come out. Make excuses, you are too busy, kids have alot going on with school in, et.........., but send her a nice message and some pictures. If she is legit, then she will understand and be pleased with what you did. If you feel like you should let her see Sweetie, even though you do not want to, is there a horse show, 4-H meeting or something similar that you could have her meet you at. That way, you are not bringing her to your home and not feeling like she is violating something. Just a suggestion.

dodib · 09-07-2008, 08:45 AM

Thank you that is how I feel about it. Send her pics and just avoid. Hopefully in the spring Sweetie will be showing again --might be me doing walk trot

and she could come there to see her
SHe knows that we live in Ravenna, MI and she lives about an hour away but has a brother that lives also in Ravenna. I would rather she not know exactly where we live.......
She has even sent me pictures of her entire family--putting on it the family that still loves Mia--well her name is not Mia its Sweetie now!!! But that is just weird to me

Buck_a_Roo_Bay · 09-07-2008, 09:49 AM

Go with that little voice. It's usually right. I agree--send a nice e-mail and pics. Tell her you may be showing next year and she is welcome to come see her at the show.When you're telling her this, tell her "Sweetie" is okay and doing great.

Drafty · 09-07-2008, 03:30 PM

What an unfortunate situation! In the end, the horse is yours, so it is up to you. If you don't want her to visit the horse at your place, then tell her (nicely).

Any horse that I sell I always like to keep tabs on them. I have even been invited to come visit them, and I have spent whole days with new owners! But the owners were the ones who did the inviting -- if I knew when I sold the horse that I would definitely want to visit then I was up front with the buyer at that time and would tell the buyer that I want them to keep in touch. And I have always been told that I was welcome to visit, and that they would keep in touch. Sorry, but to me a horse is not like a car. You don’t throw them away when you are done with them and forget about them.

As far as the three-year thing, that is a little strange. However, I lost track of a special horse once. It was a very tragic situation and the sale was forced. I did not get to speak with the buyers. I spent THREE YEARS trying to track that horse down. And when I finally did find who bought him, I e-mailed them and we have been in contact ever since. I made it very clear that if they ever decided to sell that I wanted him, but I did not pressure them to sell him nor did I ask to come see him. They have not invited me to come see him, and I respect that, but they have been very nice and we e-mail frequently so I consider us friends. I also call the horse by its new name, not the old one.

If you are getting bad vibes then stay away. I am so jealous of the people who have my special horse, and there are times when I will delete whole e-mails that I have typed because when I go back and read them they sound almost threatening. So I know how it is to be in the other person’s shoes, but still there is no excuse for such crazed behavior. They have to understand that this horse is a part of your family now, and no matter how much they once loved this horse you love the horse too!

Inviting them to a show would be great, and send them a few pictures. However you might not want to send them tons of pictures or tell them about all your wonderful times with the mare because that is cruel.

cameo05 · 09-07-2008, 03:56 PM

I always go by my gut. You should listen to yours. That is all I can say other than send her pics and gently remind her that her name is Sweetie now. Good luck.

Rusty's Girl · 09-07-2008, 04:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by snwflk

I dont trust it.. It sounds FISHY to me.. I would have to say NO. I would worry about something happening - I just dont like the sounds of it.. Like the other person said. Its a HORSE not a child- there is no visitation rights to her.. I would have to kindly DECLINE the offer- JMHO

I agree with this 100%. There is just something 'off' about this situation. I doubt she just wants to come see her considering the circumstances, and if it were me, I just wouldn't risk it. I think she's up to something.

Sunlei · 09-08-2008, 06:51 AM

If you *must* send her pictures send her 2 pictures a before in bad condition(when you got her) and a after picture.

blueberry · 09-08-2008, 07:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sunlei

If you *must* send her pictures send her 2 pictures a before in bad condition(when you got her) and a after picture.

Ohhhhhhhhhh----me likes that idea

. And, I agree with the other posters, that you don't need to send a ton of pics or write a mini novel about your horse either. If she persists in contacting you, and since she had ties to the area, maybe you can say you would rather not have her come to your home because it may upset your kids---they may think she is coming to get Sweetie or something of that nature. Hopefully you do not have to get too defensive or get tough with her about leaving you alone. The whole sending you a picture of her family and going on and on about Mia is kind of off putting...........

cook1745 · 09-08-2008, 07:09 AM

How about send her some pictures of Sweetie and maybe a video and show her she is doing great!!! I'm nnot sure I'd feel good about her knowing where you live. She may take it apone herself and come out and see her unannounced.

DappleGrayMyWay · 09-08-2008, 09:53 AM

I like the idea of sending her a "reminder this is what she looked like when YOU had her *before* photo" and a "this is what SWEETIE looks like now under OUR care."

It may be that she felt forced to give up her Mia and that she regrets whatever she did to be in that situation, and she thinks that by getting back into Mia's life she might be able to either justify what happened or "fix" it. However, in Sweetie's life this person has no place. Sweetie has been yours for three years, and in horse terms that's a very long time indeed.

I'm on board with not inviting her to your home. Letting her know that you're not comfortable with it for your kids' sakes should be okay, we all respect that kids need a certain space with some things and she needs to accept it.

By the way, good for you for taking care of Sweetie and making a difference in her life!!

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Dilema	dodib	General Horse Advice	11	05-14-2008 11:44 AM

09-06-2008, 09:29 PM
dodib Started Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Ravenna, MI Posts: 2,568	Question --dilema need advice We have owned my duaghters mare Sweetie for about 3 years now. We love her and even though she has had some lameness issues for about 1/2 that time we have no thoughts of ever selling her. We knew when we bought her she was a very well trained horse was shown in the Pinto horse circuit and did awesome. Her old owner owned her from her yearling year til she was 9 when we bought her--she paid $8000 for her and I was told spent $1000's in training........... \Anyhoo when I bought her she was at a boarding facility--the man said he knew the woman and she had been unable to care for her anymore so she was there to get back into condition and then to be sold. He said Sweetie had not been cared for for about a year and was a couple hundred pounds under weight and had nto had her feet done in a year--and that they were so bad she was walking on the sides of her hooves in the back. She of course knew she was sold she signed the papers etc.... Well she must have been doing some searchign for her and has found us--she found my website.... SO she has e-mailed me a ton-- pics and how she did this and how sweetie likes that-- of course she calls her Mia-- that was the name she used for her. although we were told she had been called Myra...... SHe claims she always cared for her and hated selling but tons of stuff was happenign in her life so she just had to sell................. Well she wants to come see her--and I jsut dont' know. I was told she didnt' care for her for a year AND for some reason her e-mails really put me off. Liek we dont' know what Sweetie likes or dislikes, or how to care or ride her. It would have been one thing if we had owned her a month and then she was telling us BUT Sweetie is part of our family now and we feel we know her. I guess I feel a little threatened somehow... On the other hand I can understand after owning a horse for 9 years-- from pretty much a baby then having to sell I would sure want to know how she is. I never met this woman she didn't come meet us when we picked her up or anything. Anyway i am just curious to know what you would all do?/ I am almost worried about her knowing where we live and where she is--ya know?? __________________ Dorthy www.freewebs.com/brownranch/

09-06-2008, 10:26 PM
SunnyKS Greenbroke Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Kansas Posts: 3,454	I have learned the hard way over the years to never ever ignore that "uh oh" feeling in my gut. If something, even if you can't put a definite finger on it, says don't do it then absolutely don't do it. Sweetie is a horse not a child and the former "mom" is NOT entitled to visitation. Now if you had said you felt good about her e-mails then I would have said go for it but not if your gut is telling you different. She has enough info now to know that she is being loved and well cared for and that is more than enough. JMO __________________

09-06-2008, 11:28 PM
Jean Genie Started Join Date: May 2006 Location: NW Illinois Posts: 2,002	Hmmm... I think I probably would be OK with a visit. I know how I would feel in her shoes. Perhaps, since she's found your website, and read a bit of your troubles with the mare's lameness, she's just worried. Stuff happens, life takes unexpected turns, and if the mare was neglected, she probably feels awful about it and maybe she just needs to see, with her own eyes, that a horse she loved and cared for is doing very well and in a happy, forever home. It's really up to you. If you just don't feel comfortable with it, then decline. __________________ Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some sort of battle.

09-06-2008, 11:34 PM
snwflk Yearling Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Colorado Posts: 523	I dont trust it.. It sounds FISHY to me.. I would have to say NO. I would worry about something happening - I just dont like the sounds of it.. Like the other person said. Its a HORSE not a child- there is no visitation rights to her.. I would have to kindly DECLINE the offer- JMHO __________________ Suzie Q

09-06-2008, 11:57 PM
libbytn Weanling Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Atoka, Tn Posts: 342	I would decline a visit but would send pictures. ALWAYS go with that little inner voice!!!!

09-07-2008, 12:10 AM
Sunlei Yearling Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Texas Posts: 950	no, your horse remembers the bad and hungry days. You are her people now, keep the bad people away.

09-07-2008, 08:09 AM
gbarmranch Administrator Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Tennessee Posts: 29,218	Go with your instincts.. I like the send photos idea.. but just keep telling her you don't have the time for visitors.. She may be on the up-and-up, but I believe that there has to be a reason you are hesitant.. __________________ Quality FoundationQuarter Horses http://home.earthlink.net/~vpgann Minds are like parachutes – they only function when open – Thomas Dewar Last edited by gbarmranch : 09-07-2008 at 08:18 AM.

09-07-2008, 08:16 AM
skippersmom Halter broke Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Mt. Juliet, TN Posts: 77	I have to agree that it sounds a bit odd. I would definitely listen to the small voice inside. It seems to ALWAYS be right. Maybe you could email her pics and divert her attention about coming to visit. Good luck!!

09-07-2008, 08:34 AM
blueberry Yearling Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: great lakes area Posts: 748	How far away does this lady live from you?? Is she in the area where she could make a surprise visit?? If you do not feel good about it, I would not invite her to come out. Make excuses, you are too busy, kids have alot going on with school in, et.........., but send her a nice message and some pictures. If she is legit, then she will understand and be pleased with what you did. If you feel like you should let her see Sweetie, even though you do not want to, is there a horse show, 4-H meeting or something similar that you could have her meet you at. That way, you are not bringing her to your home and not feeling like she is violating something. Just a suggestion. __________________ Proud horse mom to: Genie the beauty queenie (3yo QH) Tess the best (5yo QH) "To err is human, to forgive is equine"

09-07-2008, 08:45 AM
dodib Started Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Ravenna, MI Posts: 2,568	Thank you that is how I feel about it. Send her pics and just avoid. Hopefully in the spring Sweetie will be showing again --might be me doing walk trot and she could come there to see her SHe knows that we live in Ravenna, MI and she lives about an hour away but has a brother that lives also in Ravenna. I would rather she not know exactly where we live....... She has even sent me pictures of her entire family--putting on it the family that still loves Mia--well her name is not Mia its Sweetie now!!! But that is just weird to me __________________ Dorthy www.freewebs.com/brownranch/

09-07-2008, 09:49 AM
Buck_a_Roo_Bay Halter broke Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Michigan Posts: 86	Go with that little voice. It's usually right. I agree--send a nice e-mail and pics. Tell her you may be showing next year and she is welcome to come see her at the show.When you're telling her this, tell her "Sweetie" is okay and doing great. __________________ Everyone has to believe in something--I believe I'll go ride my horse.

09-07-2008, 03:30 PM
Drafty Yearling Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 979	What an unfortunate situation! In the end, the horse is yours, so it is up to you. If you don't want her to visit the horse at your place, then tell her (nicely). Any horse that I sell I always like to keep tabs on them. I have even been invited to come visit them, and I have spent whole days with new owners! But the owners were the ones who did the inviting -- if I knew when I sold the horse that I would definitely want to visit then I was up front with the buyer at that time and would tell the buyer that I want them to keep in touch. And I have always been told that I was welcome to visit, and that they would keep in touch. Sorry, but to me a horse is not like a car. You don’t throw them away when you are done with them and forget about them. As far as the three-year thing, that is a little strange. However, I lost track of a special horse once. It was a very tragic situation and the sale was forced. I did not get to speak with the buyers. I spent THREE YEARS trying to track that horse down. And when I finally did find who bought him, I e-mailed them and we have been in contact ever since. I made it very clear that if they ever decided to sell that I wanted him, but I did not pressure them to sell him nor did I ask to come see him. They have not invited me to come see him, and I respect that, but they have been very nice and we e-mail frequently so I consider us friends. I also call the horse by its new name, not the old one. If you are getting bad vibes then stay away. I am so jealous of the people who have my special horse, and there are times when I will delete whole e-mails that I have typed because when I go back and read them they sound almost threatening. So I know how it is to be in the other person’s shoes, but still there is no excuse for such crazed behavior. They have to understand that this horse is a part of your family now, and no matter how much they once loved this horse you love the horse too! Inviting them to a show would be great, and send them a few pictures. However you might not want to send them tons of pictures or tell them about all your wonderful times with the mare because that is cruel. __________________ "The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." - Mahatma Gandhi

09-07-2008, 03:56 PM
cameo05 Bombproof Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Georgia Posts: 8,694	I always go by my gut. You should listen to yours. That is all I can say other than send her pics and gently remind her that her name is Sweetie now. Good luck. __________________

09-08-2008, 06:51 AM
Sunlei Yearling Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Texas Posts: 950	If you must send her pictures send her 2 pictures a before in bad condition(when you got her) and a after picture.

09-08-2008, 07:09 AM
cook1745 Greenbroke Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 3,341	How about send her some pictures of Sweetie and maybe a video and show her she is doing great!!! I'm nnot sure I'd feel good about her knowing where you live. She may take it apone herself and come out and see her unannounced. __________________ Home of my sweet girl Cinnamon. Not fancy but she is mine!!!

09-08-2008, 09:53 AM
DappleGrayMyWay Yearling Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: NC (Asheville) Posts: 856	I like the idea of sending her a "reminder this is what she looked like when YOU had her before photo" and a "this is what SWEETIE looks like now under OUR care." It may be that she felt forced to give up her Mia and that she regrets whatever she did to be in that situation, and she thinks that by getting back into Mia's life she might be able to either justify what happened or "fix" it. However, in Sweetie's life this person has no place. Sweetie has been yours for three years, and in horse terms that's a very long time indeed. I'm on board with not inviting her to your home. Letting her know that you're not comfortable with it for your kids' sakes should be okay, we all respect that kids need a certain space with some things and she needs to accept it. By the way, good for you for taking care of Sweetie and making a difference in her life!! __________________ My sanity is with my horse, and if you see them, please send them back to the barn. Tule Pepper