Funny But True

[chris6351]

I got this email from a friend and just had to pass it along! I think you guys will agree that this is so funny...it hurts!

[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of
women,
so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you
check
for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman
leaving the stall.


You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait
has
been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the
modern
"seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but em
pty.
You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but
there
isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom
would
turn over in her grave if you put it o n the& lt; FONT color=#3366ff>
FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance."

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake.
You'd
love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat
or
lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance".

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you
discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can
hear
your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the
seat, you
woul d have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake
more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday -
the one
that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that
now,
you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time).
That
would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way poss ible. I t's
still
smaller than your thumbnail .

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door
hits
your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest,
and
you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.
"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your pre
cious,
tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing
altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.
It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too
late.
Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life
form
on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not
that
there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your
mother
would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her
bare
bottom never touched a public toilet s eat be cause, f rankly, dear,
"You
just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get."

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so
confused
that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against
the
inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your
butt
and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks
everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet
paper
dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the
wet
toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you
found
in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic
sensors,
so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past
the
line of women &nbs p;stil l waiting .

You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the
very
end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your
shoe.
(Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your
shoe,
plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just
might
need this."

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used,
and
left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and
why
is your purse hanging around your neck?"

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public
restrooms
(rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally e xplains to the men
what
really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly
asked
questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the
other
gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under
the
&nb sp;doo r!

This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so
accurately!

Send this to all women that need a good laugh AND, don't forget to
have a
mammogram!!!!!! It could save your life!

A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...
Hard to Find
Supportive
Comfortable
Always Lifts You Up
Never Lets You Dow n or Leaves You Hanging
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!

Share this with a friend!
I Just Did! [/font]

[chris6351]

Oops double post!

[horselady]

That is tooooo funny. A great chuckle for the end of the dayl
And you know what, That happened to me today. Not the part of being in the toilet.
I went to the show at Saugerties Hits. Watching jumpers, equitation. Big horses Big jumps and shops and bathrooms.
Go into a bathroom and look at seat ok use linerl go to lock door , can not lock door so I decided to hold the door as I perform the position.
OK. done. what cant get paper out of the huge roller, sooooo used the seat liner instead.
No, no tissue because I did not have my purse with my life in it, Just a fanny pack not big enough to hold a roll of toilet paper.

[ahlihaff]

Thanks for the laugh, Chris.

I use toilet paper to line the seat. You have to punch the center out of the seat liners, and can't be bothered doing that.

How about when they have a fan running in the rest room, and the foolish thing blows the stupid toilet paper off the stupid seat before you can sit down?