Beans, The Magical Fruit

PepperPony · 06-26-2008, 09:01 PM

One day I met a sweet
gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent
that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from
work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him
that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a
small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With
miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time
I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had
consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure
that I released ALL the gas.
Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed
delightedly: 'Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight!'
He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a
seat and just as he was about to remove my
blindfold, the telephone rang.
He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to
answer the call.
The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was
becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized
the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not
only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in
front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air
around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was
worse than cooked cabbage!!!
Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I
went on like this for another few minutes.
The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells
signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times
with my napkin, placed
it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling
very relieved and pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned,
apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the
blindfold, and I assured him I had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated
around the table chorused: 'Happy Birthday!'
I fainted ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Freedomnchrist · 06-26-2008, 09:03 PM

Oh that was great! How funny! Funniest I have heard in a long time!

MustangKatie · 06-26-2008, 09:06 PM

ah ha ha ha...

i can't stop laughin. that was GREAT!

APHANutmeg · 06-26-2008, 09:11 PM

Thanks for that. It made my day!

horselover_93 · 06-26-2008, 09:16 PM

That was hillarious!

That wasnt you right...or was it...lol

! I needed a good laugh thanks!

arabiancowgirl · 06-26-2008, 11:33 PM

I wouldn't have been able to show my face for days

Thunderz Gurlz · 06-26-2008, 11:43 PM

oops! That sounds like me somedays!!! haha

PepperPony · 06-27-2008, 08:28 PM

lol, no that wasn't me :P Thank God for that!

Just_Another_Love007 · 06-27-2008, 08:33 PM

OMG! that is hilarious! good laugh for the day!

Wolfie · 06-28-2008, 02:05 AM

Eeeeeewwww haha!

breburtch · 06-28-2008, 11:49 AM

lmao i'm suprised the dinner guests didn't give them selves away by laughing or making noises from the stink hahahha. theres no way if i was one of the guests i would have been able to keep my mouth shut and not give my self up

DustyTrailsHorseRescue · 06-28-2008, 12:17 PM

:laugh ing6:

blueberry · 06-28-2008, 12:35 PM

That was a rip roaring good read

I just made a huge crock pot of cowboy beans for a picnic today and have been praying that it doesn't rain!!!! Our family of 5 and that big old crock of beans would be very scary indeed

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06-26-2008, 09:01 PM
PepperPony Weanling Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: TN Posts: 274	Beans, The Magical Fruit One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released ALL the gas. Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: 'Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight!' He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage!!! Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: 'Happy Birthday!' I fainted ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

06-26-2008, 09:03 PM
Freedomnchrist Greenbroke Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Alabama Posts: 3,312	Oh that was great! How funny! Funniest I have heard in a long time!

06-26-2008, 09:06 PM
MustangKatie Weanling Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Southern WI Posts: 411	ah ha ha ha... i can't stop laughin. that was GREAT! __________________ - My horse is my hero, because she has saved me from many evils in the world. - "Those who do can't explain, those who don't will never understand" ~from my FFA shirt

06-26-2008, 09:11 PM
APHANutmeg Yearling Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Eastern PA Posts: 645	Thanks for that. It made my day! __________________ Staff to: Sunshine's Bar B Ritz "Nutmeg" Buckskin APHA, and her 4 mini friends: "Mocha, Ginger, Gunther, and Kodi"

06-26-2008, 09:16 PM
horselover_93 Weanling Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Keystone, Florida Posts: 209	That was hillarious! That wasnt you right...or was it...lol! I needed a good laugh thanks!

06-26-2008, 11:33 PM
arabiancowgirl Long Yearling Join Date: May 2008 Location: Anchorage, Alaska Posts: 1,169	I wouldn't have been able to show my face for days __________________ I thank God for my horses and german shepherds.

06-26-2008, 11:43 PM
Thunderz Gurlz Greenbroke Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: South West Michigan Posts: 3,802	oops! That sounds like me somedays!!! haha __________________ Proud Owner To Pogo 15 yr old Quarter Pony Mare Thunder 30 yr old Hackney/Quarter Pony Gelding

06-27-2008, 08:28 PM
PepperPony Weanling Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: TN Posts: 274	lol, no that wasn't me :P Thank God for that!

06-27-2008, 08:33 PM
Just_Another_Love007 Weanling Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: florida Posts: 404	OMG! that is hilarious! good laugh for the day!

06-28-2008, 02:05 AM
Wolfie Coming two Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: US Posts: 1,547	Eeeeeewwww haha!

06-28-2008, 11:49 AM
breburtch Coming two Join Date: May 2008 Location: Ennismore, Ontario Posts: 1,912	lmao i'm suprised the dinner guests didn't give them selves away by laughing or making noises from the stink hahahha. theres no way if i was one of the guests i would have been able to keep my mouth shut and not give my self up

06-28-2008, 12:17 PM
DustyTrailsHorseRescue Long Yearling Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Montgomery, Alabama Posts: 1,496	:laugh ing6: __________________ www.dthr.org "All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win in the world is for enough good men to do nothing." Edmund Burke

06-28-2008, 12:35 PM
blueberry Yearling Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: great lakes area Posts: 763	That was a rip roaring good read I just made a huge crock pot of cowboy beans for a picnic today and have been praying that it doesn't rain!!!! Our family of 5 and that big old crock of beans would be very scary indeed __________________ Proud horse mom to: Genie the beauty queenie (3yo QH) Tess the best (5yo QH) "To err is human, to forgive is equine"