5 Minute Self-Management Course

[OSUJillyBean]

Subject: Five Minute Management Course


____
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob , the
next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll
give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment,
the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob ,
after a
few
seconds, Bob hands
her $800 and leaves.
The woman
wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she
gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was
Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband
says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes
me?'

Moral of the story:
If you share
critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
avoidable exposure.


Lesson
2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and
crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest
nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he
stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father,
remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing
gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once
again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized
'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent,
the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at
the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said,
'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find
glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not
well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.


Lesson 3:
A sales
rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch
when
they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes
out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one
wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk 'I want to be
in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the
world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the
sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with
my
personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the
love
of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the
Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two
back in the office after lunch'

Moral of the
story:
Always let your boss have the first
say.


Lesson 4
An eagle was
sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw
the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do
nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the
rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a
sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate
it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and
doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high
up.


Lesson 5
A turkey was
chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the
top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the
energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?'
replied the bull. 'They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey
pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough
strength
to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after
eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally
after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top
of
the
tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of
the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull ****
might get you to the top, but it won't keep you
there..


Lesson 6
A little bird
was flying south for the winter.
It was so cold the bird froze
and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying
there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the
frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
realize
how
warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He
lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A
passing cat heard the bird singing and came to
investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird
under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate
him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone
who ****s on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you
out of **** is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep ****,
it's best to keep your mouth shut!


THUS ENDS
THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

[sundancer maiden]

Oh my, ain't that the truth!!:laughing6 :

[Thunderz Gurlz]

Haha

[DriftwoodAcres]

: laughing6:

[Mandy Mae]

funny funny. I needed that, and how true it is.

[paso_lover]

Now that was good.

[Wolfie]

Excellent!

[arabiancowgirl]

The 2 one is funny

[Jadelover]

Boy, I needed that! Very Funny!

[samtom]

I needed this today. Thank you for the laughs!