The Zen of Sarcasm

CountryMama · 05-30-2008, 04:29 PM

The Zen of Sarcasm

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night!

HotxtoxTrot · 05-30-2008, 04:39 PM

LOL at number 9, 17, and 22!

paso_lover · 05-30-2008, 04:47 PM

Those are good.

DoBeSassy · 05-30-2008, 04:54 PM

Number 22 is too funny, but I bet someone has done that

Wolfie · 05-31-2008, 02:10 AM

Heh heh.

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05-30-2008, 04:29 PM
CountryMama Yearling Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Montana Posts: 577	The Zen of Sarcasm The Zen of Sarcasm 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone. 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire. 3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. 4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. 5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else. 6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. 9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you. 10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. 11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment. 12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. 13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield. 14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. 15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. 16. A closed mouth gathers no foot. 17. Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. 18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. 19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. 20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 21. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night! __________________ Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, sausage in one hand, beer in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, WHAT A RIDE!" --Unknown--

05-30-2008, 04:39 PM
HotxtoxTrot Yearling Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Virginia Posts: 768	LOL at number 9, 17, and 22!

05-30-2008, 04:47 PM
paso_lover Seasoned Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Sudbury Ontario Canada Posts: 4,579	Those are good. __________________ "I wish I was half the rider she thinks she is" \"Some people feel compelled to cut off the heads of others in order to make themselves appear taller\" ---Paramahansa Yoginanda

05-30-2008, 04:54 PM
DoBeSassy Kid Safe Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 5,014	Number 22 is too funny, but I bet someone has done that __________________ There is none so blind as she who will not see

05-31-2008, 02:10 AM
Wolfie Coming two Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: US Posts: 1,547	Heh heh.