Problems with barn room mates (kind of long)

GypsyGirl · 11-01-2006, 03:00 PM

Ok, I need your opinion on the following situation that happened last night at the barn:

I will try and make this as short as possible.

My mom, my moms friend (lets call her â€œsallyâ€) and another lady (lets call her â€œroseâ€) with her son and daughter and I board our horses at a private beautiful acreage. There are only our horses there and we share pretty much everything. My mom and I have three horses and my mare is pregnant, we keep our horses separate from the others. My moms friend, sally has two horses and the lady, rose has two horses, they keep there horses together on the other side of the barn. Two weekends ago, my boyfriend and I went and picked up the hay I needed for the winter for my three horses, I asked rose if she wanted hay, as she hadnâ€™t gotten ANY and she said yes. So I got her 200 bales of hay at her request. Which my boyfriend and I went and picked up and loaded ourselves in the flatdeck trailer and truck and then when we got to the barn, she didnâ€™t show up to help and wouldnâ€™t answer her cell phone, so guess who had to unload itâ€¦ me! Then over the past two weeks, the barn has been left in a mess from rose and her children, the kids eat all of our goodies in the barn (chocolate bars & cadies), they take my water bucket, dumped the water into my horses feed tub, emptied the wheel barrow full of poop in the middle of where I feed my horses their hay (the poop pile was another 20 steps away) and have been taking MY hay from MY hay pile of 400 bales (GGGRRRRRR). So I left her a note in the barn saying â€œWhen feeding your horses hay, please take hay from the right pile, as the left is mine and I put duck tape around my water bucket, so that you wouldnâ€™t think I took your bucketâ€. Soâ€¦ last night, she got real upset with me over the note and was speaking to me completely rudely and said that her and her children would never touch anything of mine again. I was being completely nice and calm and tried to say â€œif we share these facilities and if a problem arises, shouldnâ€™t we be able to talk to each other like adultsâ€ and she wanted nothing to do with me or the conversation, except â€œWE WONT TOUCH YOUR STUFF ANYMOREâ€

My anger and issue is that this women was completely ungrateful for everything I have done for her and completely got upset over something completely silly. I donâ€™t want to have to feel uncomfortable at the barn when she is around. Any suggestions on how to handle this situation? (I feel like I am in high school all over again)

Thanks for reading my very long post!!!

**gbarmranch** · 11-01-2006, 03:04 PM

You were right and handled it like an adult - she did not.

Personally, I believe that her lovely children had to have learned their lack of manners from somewheres and her attitude just answered that question! I wouldn't worry about it and would still continue to enforce the "Hands Off my Stuff" policy nicely but firmly. She is the one with the problem, not you!

**divinemisselle** · 11-01-2006, 03:09 PM

I totally agree with Gbar. You handled it better than I would have.

Course, I'm feeling especially intolerant of late.

cameo05 · 11-01-2006, 03:12 PM

Great advice Gbar. GypsyGirl you handled it like a true adult. You are in the right and she will either except it, or not. The ball is in her court. Nothing you can do from here except be yourself and conduct yourself as you always have towards her. I wouldn't worry about it.

GypsyGirl · 11-01-2006, 03:23 PM

Thanks guys, I really appreciate what each of you had to say. I wish I had my own farm and my horses were in my backyard and I never had to share facilities again!!! For all of you who own a boarding facility, I do not know how you do it!! Thanks again for the words of confidents!! On a brighter note, here are two of my babies:

Just wanted to share

EquineAlberta · 11-01-2006, 03:27 PM

When people act irrationally to what seems to be a civil request, it usually means that something else is going on in their life that is upsetting/distrubing them.

As silly as it sounds, I bet you are almost feeling guilty that you upset her so much, when in reality she likely needed to vent some anger/frustration and you just happenned to be the unfortunate target.

I agree you handled it well, and as difficult as it may be, I would try to go on as though nothing happenned and to try to remain civil.

Consider getting a box or something that you can lock all your things in...tell her you heard about a robbery at another stable and want to be careful with your stuff.

Also, cover your hay with a tarp that is more work then it is worth to take off to get hay.

And next time bill for the hay unloading! (tell her upfront you charge $$$ for delivery and unloading)

Karen2

greyhorse · 11-01-2006, 05:27 PM

You handled things a lot nicer than I would have! When I had a few of my friends as boarders, we all had tack boxes to keep our small things in. If we needed to borrow something we asked. I know I was very lucky. By locking your stuff up it keeps her honest (kids too). Hopefully she means what she said and will not touch your stuff.

She doesn't know what kind of a friend she has to go pick up her hay. Did she ever pay you? I'd keep a close eye on someone who was sneaking my hay and eating my food.

Good looking horses!

harvest_moon · 11-01-2006, 06:06 PM

You can definitely walk away from that situation knowing that you were the bigger person and acted maturely! Too bad she couldn't have set a better example for her kids! I would not have been as nice as you lol. I have lost too many items myself, only to find them in someone elses tack box or on their horse. I would label all of my belongings, so that in the future, there is no "mistake" as to what belongs to who. Unfortunately, when in a boarding situation you have some people who simply are ignorant and can't keep their paws off your stuff. As far as the hays is concerned I would make it clear as to where her hay is located and I definitely wouldn't do anything for her again!
Good luck

miss leanne · 11-01-2006, 07:09 PM

as a parent, even though my son is still very young, I would never consider acting as irrationally and immature, especially in front of my kid. You want to teach manners, and respect for other people; she is teaching littering and disregard for other's people's property. Shame on her.

Lucky1999 · 11-01-2006, 07:18 PM

Kudos for being the adult and professional one in this whole situation. Don't let you become her punching bag tho!

If she continues to be a problem though, you may have to discuss these issues further with her. Good luck, as I know how frustrating it can be!

Fntsyfrm · 11-01-2006, 08:31 PM

Some people think the whole world owes them a favor. I own a boarding stable and have seen first hand, stories like your own. Too bad this woman and her children have to give you attitude and turn the whole thing around to make you feel bad. Sounds like you did the right thing. In my barn we have a double end snap theif! Every morning when I try to cross tie my horse, the snap at the end has mysteriously disappeared. Now I have decided to paint my brass double end snaps with 3 stripes of bright pink fingernail polish. Then if they show up in someones stall, I will know it was mine. I call it "baby games" just like when we were little kids.

horsegalca32 · 11-10-2006, 10:44 PM

I would just let her play her games and go on with your life normally. I would still treat her as you did before you know say hi be yourself around there. Maybe she will stand by he word but just in case i would lock your stuff up whatever you can anyway. I had all of my grooming stuff stolen lounge line everything and the kicker was it was locked up too.
Anyway good luck

Meg

11-01-2006, 03:00 PM
GypsyGirl Weanling Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Calgary, Alberta Posts: 377	Problems with barn room mates (kind of long) Ok, I need your opinion on the following situation that happened last night at the barn: I will try and make this as short as possible. My mom, my moms friend (lets call her â€œsallyâ€) and another lady (lets call her â€œroseâ€) with her son and daughter and I board our horses at a private beautiful acreage. There are only our horses there and we share pretty much everything. My mom and I have three horses and my mare is pregnant, we keep our horses separate from the others. My moms friend, sally has two horses and the lady, rose has two horses, they keep there horses together on the other side of the barn. Two weekends ago, my boyfriend and I went and picked up the hay I needed for the winter for my three horses, I asked rose if she wanted hay, as she hadnâ€™t gotten ANY and she said yes. So I got her 200 bales of hay at her request. Which my boyfriend and I went and picked up and loaded ourselves in the flatdeck trailer and truck and then when we got to the barn, she didnâ€™t show up to help and wouldnâ€™t answer her cell phone, so guess who had to unload itâ€¦ me! Then over the past two weeks, the barn has been left in a mess from rose and her children, the kids eat all of our goodies in the barn (chocolate bars & cadies), they take my water bucket, dumped the water into my horses feed tub, emptied the wheel barrow full of poop in the middle of where I feed my horses their hay (the poop pile was another 20 steps away) and have been taking MY hay from MY hay pile of 400 bales (GGGRRRRRR). So I left her a note in the barn saying â€œWhen feeding your horses hay, please take hay from the right pile, as the left is mine and I put duck tape around my water bucket, so that you wouldnâ€™t think I took your bucketâ€. Soâ€¦ last night, she got real upset with me over the note and was speaking to me completely rudely and said that her and her children would never touch anything of mine again. I was being completely nice and calm and tried to say â€œif we share these facilities and if a problem arises, shouldnâ€™t we be able to talk to each other like adultsâ€ and she wanted nothing to do with me or the conversation, except â€œWE WONT TOUCH YOUR STUFF ANYMOREâ€ My anger and issue is that this women was completely ungrateful for everything I have done for her and completely got upset over something completely silly. I donâ€™t want to have to feel uncomfortable at the barn when she is around. Any suggestions on how to handle this situation? (I feel like I am in high school all over again) Thanks for reading my very long post!!!

11-01-2006, 03:04 PM
gbarmranch Administrator Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Mayberry Posts: 29,550	You were right and handled it like an adult - she did not. Personally, I believe that her lovely children had to have learned their lack of manners from somewheres and her attitude just answered that question! I wouldn't worry about it and would still continue to enforce the "Hands Off my Stuff" policy nicely but firmly. She is the one with the problem, not you! __________________ Quality Foundation Quarter Horses http://home.earthlink.net/~vpgann Life is God's most precious gift.. Live it in a manner that will bring Him joy!

11-01-2006, 03:09 PM
divinemisselle Super Moderator Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Central Kentucky Posts: 6,650	I totally agree with Gbar. You handled it better than I would have. Course, I'm feeling especially intolerant of late. __________________ *Ditto.*

11-01-2006, 03:12 PM
cameo05 Bombproof Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Georgia Posts: 8,886	Great advice Gbar. GypsyGirl you handled it like a true adult. You are in the right and she will either except it, or not. The ball is in her court. Nothing you can do from here except be yourself and conduct yourself as you always have towards her. I wouldn't worry about it.

11-01-2006, 03:23 PM
GypsyGirl Weanling Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Calgary, Alberta Posts: 377	Thanks guys, I really appreciate what each of you had to say. I wish I had my own farm and my horses were in my backyard and I never had to share facilities again!!! For all of you who own a boarding facility, I do not know how you do it!! Thanks again for the words of confidents!! On a brighter note, here are two of my babies: Just wanted to share

11-01-2006, 03:27 PM
EquineAlberta Seasoned Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Alberta, Canada Posts: 4,682	When people act irrationally to what seems to be a civil request, it usually means that something else is going on in their life that is upsetting/distrubing them. As silly as it sounds, I bet you are almost feeling guilty that you upset her so much, when in reality she likely needed to vent some anger/frustration and you just happenned to be the unfortunate target. I agree you handled it well, and as difficult as it may be, I would try to go on as though nothing happenned and to try to remain civil. Consider getting a box or something that you can lock all your things in...tell her you heard about a robbery at another stable and want to be careful with your stuff. Also, cover your hay with a tarp that is more work then it is worth to take off to get hay. And next time bill for the hay unloading! (tell her upfront you charge $$$ for delivery and unloading) Karen2 __________________ Hillside Stable, Ardrossan, AB CHT Horse Stories!

11-01-2006, 05:27 PM
greyhorse Halter broke Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: SW Ohio Posts: 131	You handled things a lot nicer than I would have! When I had a few of my friends as boarders, we all had tack boxes to keep our small things in. If we needed to borrow something we asked. I know I was very lucky. By locking your stuff up it keeps her honest (kids too). Hopefully she means what she said and will not touch your stuff. She doesn't know what kind of a friend she has to go pick up her hay. Did she ever pay you? I'd keep a close eye on someone who was sneaking my hay and eating my food. Good looking horses!

11-01-2006, 06:06 PM
harvest_moon Yearling Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Ohio Posts: 606	You can definitely walk away from that situation knowing that you were the bigger person and acted maturely! Too bad she couldn't have set a better example for her kids! I would not have been as nice as you lol. I have lost too many items myself, only to find them in someone elses tack box or on their horse. I would label all of my belongings, so that in the future, there is no "mistake" as to what belongs to who. Unfortunately, when in a boarding situation you have some people who simply are ignorant and can't keep their paws off your stuff. As far as the hays is concerned I would make it clear as to where her hay is located and I definitely wouldn't do anything for her again! Good luck __________________ If wishes were horses, beggars would ride...

11-01-2006, 07:09 PM
miss leanne Seasoned Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 4,532	as a parent, even though my son is still very young, I would never consider acting as irrationally and immature, especially in front of my kid. You want to teach manners, and respect for other people; she is teaching littering and disregard for other's people's property. Shame on her.

11-01-2006, 07:18 PM
Lucky1999 Yearling Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Nicholasville, KY Posts: 578	Kudos for being the adult and professional one in this whole situation. Don't let you become her punching bag tho! If she continues to be a problem though, you may have to discuss these issues further with her. Good luck, as I know how frustrating it can be! __________________ And may the \"horse\" be with you! Alpha Farm - www.horsecampusa.com

11-01-2006, 08:31 PM
Fntsyfrm Yearling Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 823	Some people think the whole world owes them a favor. I own a boarding stable and have seen first hand, stories like your own. Too bad this woman and her children have to give you attitude and turn the whole thing around to make you feel bad. Sounds like you did the right thing. In my barn we have a double end snap theif! Every morning when I try to cross tie my horse, the snap at the end has mysteriously disappeared. Now I have decided to paint my brass double end snaps with 3 stripes of bright pink fingernail polish. Then if they show up in someones stall, I will know it was mine. I call it "baby games" just like when we were little kids. __________________ Life without horses is not a life.

11-10-2006, 10:44 PM
horsegalca32 Newborn Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: San Diego Posts: 11	I would just let her play her games and go on with your life normally. I would still treat her as you did before you know say hi be yourself around there. Maybe she will stand by he word but just in case i would lock your stuff up whatever you can anyway. I had all of my grooming stuff stolen lounge line everything and the kicker was it was locked up too. Anyway good luck Meg